Move your bloomin’ arse!

31 10 2011

My flexi trifecta is probably a bit dodgy this year, here are the six, no order:

No. 2: Jukebox Jury

No.6 Manighar

No.9 Lucas Cranach

No.12 Red Cadeaux

No.22 Tullamore

No.23 Niwot

Happy punting.



Wank words

6 06 2011

This is a list of my pet irritants, with accompanying reasons for said irritation. Sometimes it’s because there is a better, shorter word; sometimes because I do not understand it, but mostly because I think they are full of wank. Feel free to add, subtract, or tell me I’m full of wank.

Your starters are:

Bogan: methinks the latte-sippers doth protest too much (speaking as an inner-city, latte sipping, elitist wanker). Watching Q&A does not imply critical thought or style.

Cashed-up bogan: there are plenty of things to call people who own two cars, three 60-something inch TVs, and have fake tans applied every four weeks. Those with healthy bank balances or maxed-out credit cards?

Co-Captain / Founder: it’s not The Beatles. Someone had the idea first or is better at it.

Courage: I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re playing with a broken leg; if you’re running around a park for the entertainment of others you are not courageous.

Educator: just teach, will you. Even professors do it, so if your charges are under voting age, be a teacher & be proud of it

Elite: Antonym of bogan, apparently (speaking as a Novocastrian-born, football-loving, trackie-dak wearing bogan)

Evangelist: don’t. Just don’t. Advocate, unless you’re bringing a revival tent to TEDx

Foodie: I blame this on anti-European attitudes, which dictate that any French word is a wank word. Wrong. Foodie means nothing. “I watch Masterchef, therefore I am a foodie?” No. If you take pleasure in food, you are a gourmand.

Futurist: one, I admit, may be a profession, but one I don’t understand. Sounds like a cross between inventor & the Wizard of Oz.

Guru: oh, this is right up there. See ‘evangelist’, swap the tent for saffron robes.

‘…gate’: there is only one ‘gate’: Watergate. Resulted in resignation of a US President? Anything less is just full of wank.

Humourist: see educator. You are a comedian. If you bring the funny by drawing, you’re a cartoonist. If your writing makes people laugh, you’re still a writer. Just a funny one.

Kim: do not abbreviate someone’s name without asking them. It’s impolite. This is different to a nickname, i.e. …

Kimbo: … which is generally a term of endearment, as opposed to …

Kimberley: … which is my nom de work.

Legend: too readily applied to those who are not.

Masterchef: just fuck off. I love chefs, especially Marco Pierre White & Anthony Bourdain. My sister was a chef. To become even a sous chef requires years of peeling potatoes, cuts, burns & no tears. “I cried because they didn’t like my chocolate & prawn soufflé?” Imagine having a soufflé thrown against a wall by a chef who is about to send mains to a table of four. That’s pressure.

‘… one of Australia’s leading …’: says who? Even TIME’s lists are subjective.

Pastafarian: last time I looked, the key ingredient of pasta was wheat, not plasma.

Plating Up: see “Masterchef”. Your kitchen bench does not qualify as a pass in a commercial kitchen.

Political spin: a favourite of lazy journos who call political advisers for story ideas 10 minutes before they go to news conference, & then write about how much governments spend on political advisers. It’s a symbiotic relationship, and one I will expand on.

Senior party source: journalistic code for pissed-off backbench MP and / or photocopying kid.

Share: “Thanks for sharing.” I can’t explain it, I just loathe the saying as much as the very intimate *hug* has a metaphysical attribute that somehow escapes me.

Sustainable: as opposed to? Unsustainability can be measured via changes in behaviour / consumption over time. Sustainability is dependent on it happening, & is therefore difficult to argue.

Winning: a la Charlie Sheen. It’s not. It’s losing everything.

Wonk: About .037 per cent of the population is actively engaged as policy wonks. Chances are if you describe yourself as a wonk, you’ve just discovered “The West Wing”, almost a decade after it finished.

And they’re racing …

1 11 2010

I box six horses in a $50 flexi trifecta. I have won the Melbourne Cup (2007) & last Saturday’s Mackinnon trifectas this way. It pays 41.66 per cent of the trifecta back – so it can be thrilling but not hugely profitable (when Efficient won, paying $6 from memory) or faint-inducing (Saturday).

I have also put my hard earned readies on the following Cup winners:

1986: At Talaq

1987: Kensei

1992: Subzero

1993: Vintage Crop

2002: Media Puzzle

2003: Makybe Diva

2007: Efficient

(if you’re wondering about the 1980s horses, OK, it was my Dad’s cash. I still picked the horses).

Here are my sezzy six nags for race seven, Flemington (no order)

No. 8 Americain

No. 6 Mr Medici

No. 12 Harris Tweed

No. 3 So You Think

No 11. Descarado

No. 24 Maluckyday

I’m probably going to have a few other bets, but that’s another thing altogether.

Four minutes of dishy-deliciousness

17 10 2010

Remember I said some of the posts on here would be about handbags and shoes? This isn’t one of them but it’s running pretty close. I love this song; it is four minutes of dishy-deliciousness.

“Tonight Tonight”

The Smashing Pumpkins (Corgan) 

Time is never time at all.

You can never, ever leave without leaving a piece of youth.

And our lives are forever changed.

We will never be the same.

The more you change the less you feel.

Believe, believe in me, believe.

Believe that life can change.

That you’re not stuck in vain.

We’re not the same, we’re different tonight.

Tonight, so bright.


And you know you’re never sure.

But you’re sure you could be right.

If you held yourself up to the light.

And the embers never fade in your city by the lake.

The place where you were born.

Believe, believe in me, believe.

Believe in the resolute urgency of now.

And if you believe there’s not a chance tonight.

Tonight, so bright.


We’ll crucify the insincere tonight.

We’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight.

We’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight.

The indescribable moments of your life tonight.

The impossible is possible tonight.

Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight.

Tonight …

Introductory special

29 08 2010

The Referral will include seemingly inane posts about shoes and TV, along with sport, politics, travel – and a glimpse, sometimes a purge, of my innermost thoughts and feelings – things I ought to be able to say to the people I am closest to, but can’t (or won’t) because I am a colossal fail in many respects.

These are my thoughts, my views, my words: not my employer’s; my family’s or friends. Sometimes I refer to real people by their real names; there are some people who will only ever be referred to by nicknames – not in an anonymous / pseudonymous tangle – but because they are long-standing stupid bloody nicknames: I mean, would you want to be called the Swiss Block of Cheese?

Keep reading The Referral for more.