Wank words

6 06 2011

This is a list of my pet irritants, with accompanying reasons for said irritation. Sometimes it’s because there is a better, shorter word; sometimes because I do not understand it, but mostly because I think they are full of wank. Feel free to add, subtract, or tell me I’m full of wank.

Your starters are:

Bogan: methinks the latte-sippers doth protest too much (speaking as an inner-city, latte sipping, elitist wanker). Watching Q&A does not imply critical thought or style.

Cashed-up bogan: there are plenty of things to call people who own two cars, three 60-something inch TVs, and have fake tans applied every four weeks. Those with healthy bank balances or maxed-out credit cards?

Co-Captain / Founder: it’s not The Beatles. Someone had the idea first or is better at it.

Courage: I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re playing with a broken leg; if you’re running around a park for the entertainment of others you are not courageous.

Educator: just teach, will you. Even professors do it, so if your charges are under voting age, be a teacher & be proud of it

Elite: Antonym of bogan, apparently (speaking as a Novocastrian-born, football-loving, trackie-dak wearing bogan)

Evangelist: don’t. Just don’t. Advocate, unless you’re bringing a revival tent to TEDx

Foodie: I blame this on anti-European attitudes, which dictate that any French word is a wank word. Wrong. Foodie means nothing. “I watch Masterchef, therefore I am a foodie?” No. If you take pleasure in food, you are a gourmand.

Futurist: one, I admit, may be a profession, but one I don’t understand. Sounds like a cross between inventor & the Wizard of Oz.

Guru: oh, this is right up there. See ‘evangelist’, swap the tent for saffron robes.

‘…gate’: there is only one ‘gate’: Watergate. Resulted in resignation of a US President? Anything less is just full of wank.

Humourist: see educator. You are a comedian. If you bring the funny by drawing, you’re a cartoonist. If your writing makes people laugh, you’re still a writer. Just a funny one.

Kim: do not abbreviate someone’s name without asking them. It’s impolite. This is different to a nickname, i.e. …

Kimbo: … which is generally a term of endearment, as opposed to …

Kimberley: … which is my nom de work.

Legend: too readily applied to those who are not.

Masterchef: just fuck off. I love chefs, especially Marco Pierre White & Anthony Bourdain. My sister was a chef. To become even a sous chef requires years of peeling potatoes, cuts, burns & no tears. “I cried because they didn’t like my chocolate & prawn soufflé?” Imagine having a soufflé thrown against a wall by a chef who is about to send mains to a table of four. That’s pressure.

‘… one of Australia’s leading …’: says who? Even TIME’s lists are subjective.

Pastafarian: last time I looked, the key ingredient of pasta was wheat, not plasma.

Plating Up: see “Masterchef”. Your kitchen bench does not qualify as a pass in a commercial kitchen.

Political spin: a favourite of lazy journos who call political advisers for story ideas 10 minutes before they go to news conference, & then write about how much governments spend on political advisers. It’s a symbiotic relationship, and one I will expand on.

Senior party source: journalistic code for pissed-off backbench MP and / or photocopying kid.

Share: “Thanks for sharing.” I can’t explain it, I just loathe the saying as much as the very intimate *hug* has a metaphysical attribute that somehow escapes me.

Sustainable: as opposed to? Unsustainability can be measured via changes in behaviour / consumption over time. Sustainability is dependent on it happening, & is therefore difficult to argue.

Winning: a la Charlie Sheen. It’s not. It’s losing everything.

Wonk: About .037 per cent of the population is actively engaged as policy wonks. Chances are if you describe yourself as a wonk, you’ve just discovered “The West Wing”, almost a decade after it finished.

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4 responses

3 08 2011
will myers

Can you add ‘broadcaster’. Every moron who has said anything on tv or radio tags this excrescence onto whatever other meaningless thing they do to make themselves look important. E.g. “So-and-so, the educator and broadcaster…”. Makes me want to gnaw my leg off

10 06 2011
Denis Wright

Thanking my lucky starts I didn’t accidentally blunder into ‘Kim’ territory – hey, I wouldn’t have done, I’m sure, but you never can tell with me….
I dunno if my cred is now about to be buggered, but I have real suspicions about the term ‘hipster’ as well. Could it be that it says as much about the shooter as the target?

6 06 2011
Bron

Scared to say anything now lest I should incur your wrath.

6 06 2011
Eithniu

ahhh Kimerley/Kimbo
are you sure we’re not related???? I find myself strangely comforted knowing you’re out there. Do you think that Robert (courageous) Walls is reading tee hee.

Sitting here in my trackies, checked my footy tips, now not at all caring if I’m a wonk, not particularly cashed up (but might be a bogan by some standards?) sipping on a b&c and about to roll a champion ruby. Life’s not bad and made better from reading this.

Now back to Twitter for some ….. e-learning, giggles’n rage x

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