It is enough for the people to know there was an election …

The most important political office is that of the private citizen.

-Louis Brandeis, Associate Justice, U.S. Supreme Court

So, what do a U.S. Supreme Court justice, and one of the great tyrants (Stalin, attributed with the title quote), have to do with the events, spin, speculation and general swirl and hurl of the last week in Australian politics? Hopefully, I’ll be able to demonstrate that the bow isn’t that long.

Wednesday, 30 January 2013: The Prime Minister addresses the National Press Club. The speech released to attendees didn’t contain one crucial piece of news: the announcement of the election date – Saturday, 14 September 2013. Generally well received, I found the speech discordant in parts. In ‘taking stock’, the Prime Minister outlines some ABS data, and emphasises our fears as a people We’re middle-aged. We live too far away from where we work. We parent and care for our parents. We’re saving instead of spending, a nation of consumers who yearn for the days when we could whip out the credit card with abandon. We don’t shoot each other very often (unless you live in ‘some communities’ [read Western Sydney], and then – you’re rightly concerned about crime and ‘cohesion’). We’ve lived through a few wars, where our Gallipoli obsession looms large in our veneration of heroes and the rarely-explored existence of the ghosts among the returned. We’re early and loving adopters of technology. We have mobiles, Facebook pages and iThings in abundance. Then, in the next stanza, we’re ‘strong, fair by instinct, smart’. Which Australia are we, the people? From the rest of the PM’s speech, it’s enough that we know there’s an election. The governing will continue and we can all plan our year. Weddings can be planned, observant Jews can declare they won’t campaign on the day and the religion of footy finals may be attended sans the onerous duty of lining up to tick a box or two.

Firstly, the great reveal. The jaws in the room, and without, dropped at the omission from the pre-disseminated speech; most memorably that of the Minister for Workplace Relations, the Hon. Bill Shorten MP, who was caught out live blogging at the Herald Sun. Here strikes the discordance: a PM offering certainty to a fearful people while catching many in her own Cabinet unaware.  For the trumpeting of getting on with governing, spin shot its load. The people who knew the election date announcement work in the PM’s office, Swanny DPM, The Greens leader Senator Christine Milne, and Independent MPs, Rob Oakeshott and Tony Windsor. Actions speak louder than words? What a splendidly cohesive team the Gillard Government is, that not even a mass text message was sent 30 seconds before the drop. People wonder why there is an abundance of nameless ‘government sources’ with a cracking dose of the shits. That covers the fearful Australia.

The strong Australia? The announcement itself. We’ve been stuck in a fairly rubbish election mode since Rob Oakeshott and Tony Windsor backed the ALP. Remember when the Member for Lindsay (suddenly via the Arafura Sea) set sail with the PM on the SS Nervous Nelly, looking for the People of the Boats? Now we can at least say it’s only going to last for another 220-odd days. Please don’t attribute the early call to anyone other than the PM and her advisers. They knew it would rob everyone from speculating on the date for the rest of the year. Is it crazy/brave? Not so much. John Key, New Zealand PM, did the same thing – again, in the name of the worship of sport – and he is one of the last people you’d call crazy/brave. It’s a little interesting if you look at NSW. We, the people of the Scum Corp state, are used to fixed election dates. What the early announcement allows is a gradual build-up of appearances in a State considered so toxic in 2010, I think the PM visited once (maybe twice, if you count Rooty Hill RSL as the People’s Debate). NSW must hold; not only for the government to be reelected, but for the next generation of talent to stick around. Losing the Likes of Chris Bowen, Jason Clare, Ed Husic, Michelle Rowland, Anthony Albanese and Tony Burke would be disastrous. David Bradbury, if his seat wasn’t so bloody indispensable, could pack up and go home. NSW is very much at the heart of the ALP’s problems, but it is also at the heart of its success and longevity. The state of McKell, Wran, Chifley, Whitlam, Carr and Keating, reeling at state level, must offer some pathway at the federal level for the real ‘next generation’. Already, Team JG showed the smarts to pencil the Tet Festival celebrations at Fairfield into her diary last weekend. Smart thinking by some former colleagues of mine now working in the PM’s office.

Thursday, 31 January 2013: I think it’s a crock that anyone’s hand was caught in some nefarious plot to ameliorate the shamefully public arrest of Craig Thomson MP. The NSW wallopers are not averse to dropping a high profile bit of work to the media. While the act was cretinous, it’s hardly surprising. UPDATE: NSW Police have been forced today into an embarrassing back down today. Thomson’s arrest, they said, was triggered by his failure to surrender himself to Victoria Police for arrest. Fer shame. The strip search and the damage done, it turns out their southern cousins wanted to have a chat with Mr Thomson, not arrest him. Bravo, dickheads.

The Thomson matter is going to be an open sore for the government regardless of whether the election was held in six weeks or seven months. The same goes for the disgraceful allegations being heard at the NSW Independent Commission Against Corruption. I am proud of many of the achievements of the Ministers and Premier I worked for; but the scale of the allegations, the hubris and disregard for everything that is good and right about governing puts the allegations against Craig Thomson, and the infernal Ashby/Brough/Slipper business in the shade. A sequoia-sized darkness. None of it is going away, so saddle up and deal with it – a big tick for a strong Australia.

Friday, 1 February 2013: It was a dark and stormy night. It was great subscription bait from the Australian Financial Review’s Phillip Coorey, who tweeted at 8.38pm: ‘Gillard govt cabinet minister has resigned. details online soon’. After I finally navigated my way through the AFR’s subscription maze, and learned that Senate Leader and Minister for Tertiary Education, Skills, Jobs, Science and Research, the Hon. Chris Evans, was quitting Cabinet immediately, and the Senate at the election, I was shocked. Evans is one of those reasonably unassuming, non-fuck ups of a Minister. My initial thought was, ‘Christ, I hope he’s not ill’. When I saw Channel 7′s Mark Riley retweet of Nicola Roxon’s resignation several hours’ later, I was stunned. What the actual eff? Two Ministers going within hours of each other. Every part of my former political self said, ‘bad juju’.

Saturday 2 & Sunday 3 February, 2013:

Over the past few days, I’ve had a few, shall we say, some teeth-grinding moments on the Twatters, chiefly because I refuse to fall in line with the pinheaded orthodoxy of ‘MSM fail’; ‘media fail’; ‘stupid gallery speculation’. This is where Brandeis comes in – ‘the most important political office is that of private citizen’. It’s a two-pronged thought: firstly, if you’re reporting the straight Five Ws, why is still one of them. Given that Evans’, Roxon’s and the PM’s offices were refusing to answer questions (yep, no message control going on here), what are we, the people, supposed to think? Nothing to see here, move along? Two senior Ministers had just pulled the pin – yet the Press Gallery is supposed to just write, ‘who, what, when and where’, and ignore the damning why? If the why is not forthcoming, if information is withheld so the message can be massaged to within an inch of its life, the Australia of fearful people is going to, and is entitled to speculate. We are the most important political office bearers. Forget the 24-hour news cycle. What about the blink-and-you-miss-it Twitter free-for-all? If people think the ‘abysmal MSM’ were the only ones speculating, have a long, hard look at your Twitter feeds and DMs. I had some information and theories. So did others. We exchanged views, a bit of healthy scepticism, and a fair bit of plain old, ‘what the actual eff is going on?’ When you cannot accumulate fact, you speculate. If you’re whiter than white and didn’t muse on why both of these Ministers were resigning, then you forfeit the Brandeis test.

Secondly, both Ministers Roxon and Evans are leaving for personal reasons. I don’t doubt that Ms Roxon misses her husband and daughter, and that after 20 years, Chris Evans has had a gutful of flying from Perth to Canberra. Having seen Ministers’ workloads in State politics, I understand the demands of the job. Here’s the thing I didn’t get: the Prime Minister’s claim that both indicated up to a year ago that they wanted out. Evans’ senate spot, not up for election this time, could have been filled by a casual vacancy, He could have sailed off into the sunset. Instead, he’s hanging around and collecting his pay until this September. A small part of me wants to say, ‘fuck off, Chris, bad call PM’. Nicola Roxon’s resignation stumped me. I know the time commitments. I know the demands of serving an electorate. OK, I don’t know what it’s like to have a husband or young daughter. Again, it’s the, ‘I’ve wanted to go for ages’ line. Maybe. Or is it just that having got the plain-packaging tobacco laws through, the drive and pride you had in being the first female Australian Attorney-General faltered? The difficulty is not Roxon’s resignation from Cabinet. Mark Dreyfus QC is a central-casting Attorney. The potential issue is the pre-selection for the plum seat of Gellibrand. No sooner had the name David Feeney, he of the faceless face and an unwinnable number three Senate ticket spot, done the rounds, a far more palatable name appeared: former Victorian Premier, Steve Bracks. He’s still young, lives in the electorate, and as someone I’ve met fleetingly, a smart operator with name and reputation recognition to die for. Mark Dreyfus practically went the Captain’s Pick himself, so effusive was his praise of Bracks. The sticking point is whether Bracks wants back in. After all, the most political office one can hold is that of private citizen. The real stick in the mud is the resignation of the Member for Barton and former Attorney-General, the Hon. Robert McClelland. It’s not clear whether McClelland will serve out his term; another former Premier, Morris Iemma, is one of the names being discussed to replace him. If McClelland quits Parliament in the next two-three months, it’s going to be very difficult (although not without precedent) for a by-election to be held off until September 14. Would any of us like to go six months (or longer) unrepresented in the Federal Parliament? Not so much. If he goes early, the Speaker should be encouraged, not laughingly discouraged from issuing the writs. Be strong, not fearful, lest the baseball bats come out in the months to come.

Monday, 4 February 2013: A new Ministry was sworn in. A new Senate Leader was elected. If the PM and Swanny DPM are both out of the country or unable to fulfil their duties, your Acting Prime Minister will be one Senator Stephen Conroy. Caucus met, and as sure as the sun sets in the west, Caucus leaked. Caucus leaked that the PM had cracked it with them for leaking against the Government, a fact relayed to her by a journalist. Meta or what? Caucus took place sans the former PM. Kevin, he of Queensland and here to help (and help all over the place – he’s said he’ll campaign wherever he’s asked), cited ill-health for missing the 2pm meeting. Maybe he was leaking. The fearful people of the marginals win this round, none of them warming to Brandeis’ treatise.

The Possum Comitatus with the Polling Mostest has produced this, the PollyTrend Two-Party Preferred graph, which looks like a few wobbly beer snakes. This morning it’s, ‘oh, fuck Newspoll, bunch of know nothings. Polls come and go. Outliers’. Not so fast. Yes, individual polls go up and down – but the trend isn’t a happy snap. If anything, it shows how long it’s taking for the numbers to move. Almost a year between the bulges, either side. I’m no pollster, but this doesn’t look like a volatile electorate to me. The polls taken over the weekend (with Essential to come tomorrow) reflect the thinking of the electorate at this point in time, and at this point in time, the ALP has freaked the people out. Going from a four-point gap to trailing by 10-12 percentage points is an indicator that the fear, fanned from within, translated to the people who hold the most important political office. And all for knowing that an election was being held.

Choking on your cornflakes

Warren Mundine must have been choking on his cornflakes.

The former President of the Australian Labor Party quit the party last year after his Senate hopes were dashed as Bob Carr strode into Federal Parliament, Senator-elect for NSW and Foreign Minister-in-waiting, following the resignation of Mark Arbib and the failure of Kevin Rudd’s challenge for the parliamentary party leadership.

Today, Mundine came out in support of the Prime Minister’s decision to endorse indigenous Australian, Nova Peris OAM for the party’s number one Senate ticket spot in the Northern Territory.

“Righting a wrong,” Mundine said.

While Peris waited for her party membership to be approved by the party’s National Executive (which does not include a member from the NT), a few others let fly.

Let’s start with the closest thing to a Scottish rocket launcher known to man, Senator Doug Cameron.

After he’d recovered sufficiently from choking on his porridge, Cameron kept it classy by invoking the ‘night of the long knives’ to describe the dumping of the incumbent, Senator Trish Crossin.

A “brutal exercise of political power,” Doug called it.

Despite receiving calls from the Prime Minister to prevent them choking on their Weeties, Senator Crossin, and her would-be preselection challenger, Marion Scrymgour, both had a vent.

Crossin, who has sat on the red benches for 15 years, issued a statement yesterday, pointing out the bleeding obvious – that she was facing a long walk off a short plank – but would not comment further until she had spoken with and consulted NT branch members and her colleagues.

Consultation, negotiation, input, trust, respect. All carefully inserted into five paragraphs. Very deft. I feel the hand of Rudd guiding the keyboard.

Former Deputy Chief Minister of the Northern Territory, Marion Scrymgour, was less guarded, shall we say:

“At the end of the day, yes the Prime Minister has her way,” she said.

“But she had her way with Warren Mundine, she had her way with Kevin Rudd.”

The Territory’s former deputy leader, Syd Sterling, labelled the move, ‘an appalling overreach of power by the Prime Minister’.

Ouch.

Being late to the party, I asked the Twitters what was going on. One of the replies (since deleted) attributed the move as a way of circumventing some nutcase (or words to that effect) from winning preselection. I don’t know any of the players, but assumed the unwanted would-be candidate was Scrymgour. Having once held the highest office of any indigenous MP in the country, Scrymgour was variously promoted, demoted, quit the party then returned. She wanted a crack at Crossin, now dismissed as yet another timeserver on the backbench. True enough; then again, most MPs spend the bulk of their time on the backbench. If you’re a Senate backbencher, that’s pretty much what you do for your term, especially if you’re in Opposition. As I said, I don’t know any of the players. I really have no idea whether Trish Crossin does a good job or not. I sometimes watch Senate question time and think, ‘who the fuck is that’? That made the subsequent spouting of, ‘nothing to see here, move along’ quite interesting:

“Doubt 1 in a thousand cares who the NT ALP Senator is. Classic beltway obsession overcoming news values.” tweeted Channel 10′s (and former ALP staffer), Stephen Spencer (@sspencer_63).

‘Beltway’? Canberra’s roundabouts do not a Dupont Circle make; and while one in a thousand people might not care who the NT Senator is, holding a Prime Ministerial press conference to announce a candidate is newsworthy. See ‘Carr strode into Federal Parliament’. That was a bit of news, AMIRITE? It’s the delivery and interpretation of news which bothers people – left, right, and as more than one in one thousand people feel, left right out.

There are many people of merit, or lacking it, who have been ‘parachuted’ into Parliament by all sides. In NSW, the ‘N 40′ rule was regularly exercised over the ALP’s rank-and-file membership by the Administrative Committee to exorcise deadwood, sometimes for more deadwood. There are some cracking people who have entered politics with a little help from the backroom. Nova Peris may prove to be one of them. I hope that if she is elected, she serves the Northern Territory with distinction; but the way this has been handled plays into the tired narrative of the Prime Minister’s prime ministership from critics within and without. Perception matters. The narrative could have played out differently had Peris been a member of the party before the presser was held, for a start. That’s just dumb.

We should strive to have better people represent us in Canberra. If that means people get the arse when they don’t want to, or the ambitions of those who think they deserve a shot at the title are thwarted, so be it. I’m tired of political ‘dynasties’, personal fiefdoms and people who think they are owed something because it’s their ‘turn’. No, not so much. So, go for it Nova. Get stuck in and make a difference. Christ knows, we need it.

~~~

Meanwhile, on Sydney’s northern beaches, Tony Abbott’s Nutri-Grain may have been momentarily lodged in his oesophagus, but it quickly turned to a shit-eating grin for an unpopular leader under considerable pressure and scrutiny. After all, the Liberals and Australian Democrats have, or had, indigenous Australian representatives in Federal Parliament. The ALP was playing catch-up.

“It’s terrific that Labor might finally be getting its first Aboriginal representative in the Federal Parliament, so I’m all in favour of that,” he told Fairfax Radio.

If he has any sense, he’ll shut up and let the ALP’s latest fizzing and spluttering Catherine Wheel spin like topsy. Give it oxygen, Tony. Don’t suck it in with your blowhard ‘try’. That’s where you turn small victories into the dull thud of loss.

The Australian Labor Party’s Flying Circus

The last two weeks I’ve been struck by the depths of absurdity the Australian Labor Party has been hell-bent on plumbing. Blame Nicola Roxon. Her statement this week that Kevin Rudd was not the Messiah (and, ipso facto, a very naughty boy) sparked this idea – that the omnishambles the Federal ALP has created deserves to be viewed through the prism of the brilliant, flawed and greatest proponents of absurdist comedy since Spike Milligan.

Scene One: Mr Creosote, Monty Python and The Meaning of Life

[Rudd, the morbidly obese Mr Creosote, gorges on everything in a restaurant, vomiting until he literally explodes]

If Kevin Rudd’s government was so paralysed, dysfunctional and unbearable for Ministers and caucus – now given as the reason why Australia went to bed with one Prime Minister on 23 June 2010 and had a new one the next day – why was that not explained, clearly, compassionately by then-Deputy Prime Minister Gillard in a press conference that night? Indulge me with a draft form of words:

“Kevin Rudd led the ALP team to an historic victory in 2007. As a team, led by Kevin, we made bold calls that kept Australia largely immune to the ravages of the Global Financial Crisis. Sadly, it has become increasingly clear to our parliamentary colleagues that under Kevin’s leadership, the government is no longer advancing the policy agenda we set out in the 2007 campaign. As Deputy Prime Minister, I have worked hard to bridge the gap between the decisiveness Kevin showed during the GFC and the way Kevin has led the government during the past few months. Our Cabinet colleagues have sought to implement the reforms they were appointed by Kevin to carry out. They have not flinched in the face of external challenges; rather, internal processes are frustrating their efforts, and inevitably, letting you down. As Deputy Prime Minister, I have not resiled from my duty to act as Kevin’s closest adviser. That includes sharing some hard truths about his leadership style. Time and again, senior colleagues have exhorted Kevin to allow them to do the jobs he personally entrusted them with and which we were, as a team, elected to do. Tonight, I made the most difficult decision of my political life. I spoke with Kevin and told him that I intended to challenge him for the leadership of the Federal Parliamentary Australian Labor Party because I could no longer bridge that gap as his Deputy. A ballot for the leadership has been called for tomorrow morning. I am confident that I have the support of my caucus colleagues and if elected tomorrow, I will ensure that this good government performs as we have demonstrated we can; and that your local MPs, Ministers and Prime Minister not only speak of a shared vision for Australia, but use our complementary talents to their fullest extent. This is a good team. We have Australia’s interests as our overriding motivation. As leader, I will once again harness our talents, our motivation, with trust and goodwill. That is the marked difference between the Government I intend to lead and the Opposition so soundly rejected by you in 2007.”

Instead, we were told, ‘a good government had lost its way’ in a press conference after the ballot. I found it difficult to reconcile the long list of achievements Rudd set out in his emotional appearance at The Lodge with the actions taken the night before. I am not ashamed to say that I sat in a Ministerial office in Macquarie Street and cried when the leadership spill was called. I didn’t cry for Kevin Rudd; I had been too close to the repercussions of the Federal Government’s failures; enraged at times by the way it operated (or didn’t) and the way our already deeply unpopular State Government was handed shit sandwich after shit sandwich to swallow in public. I cried because in that moment, I knew who the principle architects were; I knew how they worked, and I knew the lazy epithet: the dreaded ‘NSW disease’. Yes, go on; tear down someone who had led the party to victory – because that was working out so well for us. Labor had been in power for 15 years in NSW that June night, and under its fourth Premier. We had lost almost all of our best Ministers – and yet this nightmare was being inflicted upon itself by a first-term Government. I cried because I knew we faced an impossible task; we were serving up Government to another rabble and pouring the wine for them to enjoy with our carcass. Why, why was Federal Labor so determined to follow our path?

Scene Two: The Black Knight, Monty Python and the Holy Grail

[Rudd, the limbless Black Knight goading Gillard’s King Arthur, ‘It’s just a flesh wound!’ As an exasperated King Arthur exits, the Black Knight screeches, ‘Running away, eh? You yellow bastards!’]

If you are going to take the axe to a leader, you make damned sure they are dead. You have to be prepared to wreck what you have helped build if you want to take the top job; and the wreckage must include the deposed leader. Instead of letting KRuddMP stay KRuddMP until he was so debilitated he resigned from Parliament, Prime Minister Gillard gifted him a purpose: ‘go forth, Kevin, as Australia’s chief diplomat’. It sent out a dual signal: here was a new Prime Minister so frightened by the prospect of a by-election loss that she came to the conclusion that it was better to have him piss inside her Cabinet than in the Siberia of the backbench; worse still, she said on her first overseas trip as Prime Minister, that she had no passion for international affairs, that she felt more comfortable in a classroom. Yes, she went on to say that she would be a, ‘feisty advocate’ for Australia’s interests, and recognised that sitting in meetings in Brussels was part of the package, but it didn’t ring true. Different things drive people to enter politics – the Prime Minister made it clear that education is her passion; Rudd got out of bed each day determined to make Australia a respected middle power – an effort rewarded with a place at the G20 table. While it’s not rare for Prime Ministers to make former party leaders Foreign Minister – Howard did it with Downer; Hawke with Hayden – why allow a former Prime Minister who loved nothing more than to strut on the world stage to do it full-time? It gave Rudd a perfect platform to play statesman; ‘hey folks, I might have had my arms and legs lopped off, but I’ve still got the head to mix it with foreign leaders while Gillard has photo ops in kindergartens’. The negative perception of the amount of time he spent travelling (‘Kevin 747’, anyone?), is, in my view, counter-balanced by the odd way the Prime Minister chopped up her former portfolio of Education and Training in her post-election Ministry and subsequent reshuffle into ‘Tertiary Education, Skills (Chris Evans)’; ‘School Education and Early Childhood (Peter Garrett)’; ‘Early Childhood and Childcare (Kate Ellis) and Jacinta Collins as Parliamentary Secretary. I found it ironic that Gillard released the Gonski Review (which she commissioned as Education Minister), but is nowhere to be found when it comes to the Murray-Darling Basin. Am I reading too much into this – a clear distinction between the ability of the two Ministers must play a part – or is she as much a micro-manager as Rudd, but only when it comes to her passion? Is the Prime Minister on the phone to foreign leaders searching for ways to stop the carnage in Syria? The only engagement in foreign policy I remember – and I am an international relations obsessive – are from her visit to the White House, punting a Sherrin in the Oval Office and President Obama’s whistle-stop last year (both involving photo-ops in … yes, schools). I was reminded yesterday of her visit to Afghanistan and that it may have been a relief for everyone involved that she didn’t feel the need to prove she was ‘the smartest guy in the room’; but I want the smartest guy in the room to lead this country. That may not be Rudd or Gillard.

Scene Three: The French Taunter, Monty Python and The Holy Grail

I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

I could just cut and paste transcripts of any number of interviews given in the last two weeks, from Simon Crean’s first radio blast at Rudd, to the retiring (and hence, nothing to lose) Member for Bendigo, Steve Gibbons’ charm school cry that the Foreign Minister was a ‘psychopath’, through to the abject disgrace to his office that was Wayne Swan’s spray. It must be noted that other Gillard supporters have acted with class; Tanya Plibersek’s remarks spring to mind. Initially, Rudd sought, smartly, to claim the moral high ground and urged his supporters to do the same. By and large, they have: even Doug Cameron, (who I am sure would prefer to have played out a pub fight, Motherwell rules) sounded like the voice of reason compared to the bile being poured on Rudd. Bob Brown was right to say that Rudd should not have resigned from Washington; but Rudd was running out of time to mount any sort of defence, let alone challenge for the leadership. It’s been reported that the Prime Minister quickly voiced her displeasure at the Unhappy Member for Corangamite, Darren ‘Blessed is the’ Cheeseman for going on record and firing a shot against her leadership in a Sunday paper. Similarly, she should have put a muzzle on Crean. Asked, repeatedly, whether she had done, she responded, ‘I’m focused on doing my job’. It was the phoniest call of all. Whatever was going on, Crean deserved a clip around the earlobes just as Cheeseman did. Rudd seized on her failure to do so and pulled the trigger from DC.

Scene Four: Brian on the Cross Monty Python’s The Life of Brian

[Rudd, martyred. The chorus of the crucified breaks out in song ]

Life’s a piece of shit,
When you look at it.
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show,
Keep ‘em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

Rudd says he has changed, that he recognises his mistakes; that he wants to reform the party – statements almost universally scorned. I have few doubts he has concertedly campaigned to challenge for the leadership, leaked information and briefed against the Prime Minister – all sackable offenses; yet the Prime Minister chose not to sack him. That said, the Wikileaks cables allege that Senator Mark Arbib had briefed the US Embassy and speculated about Kevin Rudd’s job in 2009. People have selective memories. If anyone has changed, it is Julia Gillard, who has gone from one of the Government’s most effective communicators and skilled debaters to negotiator-in-chief. People make mistakes. Then there is just the stupid shit. Who didn’t cringe at the Prime Minister’s interview on 4Corners a mere two weeks ago? Where was the nous, the political intelligence, the intuition which says, ‘I don’t need to do this’? Without interviewing her, the programme literally had no legs. Rudd didn’t need to give an interview, would never have agreed to it with things as they stood. Yes, it would have featured vision from National Conference, where a stony-faced Rudd sat through a speech which praised each of his predecessors and wiped him from the collective memory as clumsily as Stalin erased Trotsky from photographs, but without Gillard, it was a laughing stock – who would line-up to watch the combined wit and wisdom of Con Sciacca, Alan Griffin and his noodles and Janelle Saffin? The Prime Minister’s rejigged office, by all reports, works well – yet the appointment of a new and well-respected Chief-of-Staff and a Director of Communications from the UK hasn’t stemmed the stupid. The frequent cry is ‘she’s over-managed’. As an adviser, you have to possess the internal fortitude to take it to a boss who sometimes doesn’t want to hear what you have to say. You also have a duty to be on top of your brief and offer sound advice and back your boss even if they are a bastard to you sometimes. As a Minister, it’s incumbent on you to hire good people who will die in a ditch for you even if you are a bastard to them sometimes and challenge them, constantly, to set out solid arguments which you must then make a decision on. Sometimes people find themselves managing upward. That happens in all kinds of workplaces. The difference in politics is that you can blame a staffer, sack them, even; but if there is a perception that your staff are running the show, then you will be judged weak as piss. I don’t believe the Prime Minister is over-managed by her staff. She wouldn’t command the level of respect she does from people of the calibre of Greg Combet and Penny Wong, Tony Windsor and Bob Brown if she was. At the same time, respect must be earned. Trust follows. Rightly or wrongly, many Australians neither respect nor trust the Prime Minister, just as the majority of his caucus colleagues don’t trust or respect Kevin Rudd.

Scene Five: The Parrot Sketch, Monty Python’s Flying Circus

[The ALP is no more. It has ceased to be. It is bereft of life. It rests in peace]

The party (indeed the public) deserved the full release of the Bracks / Carr / Faulkner review of the 2010 election campaign – not the strategic leaks made in the aftermath of the 2011 National Conference (which infuriated the trio). Real reform needs to happen. The ‘faceless men’ is a tiresome term but it is not ‘offensive to members of caucus’, as the Prime Minister has said. I know who Mark Arbib is; I recognise Bill Shorten and his undoubted talent; but I couldn’t pick David Feeney or Don Farrell out of a line up. What is offensive is the power of bottom feeders like Bill Ludwig and Joe de Bruyn, and yes, Paul Howse, although he’s more chinless than faceless. They are the elected heads of unions. They are not elected members of caucus. Even the good Senators are elected by virtue of a place on the party’s Senate ticket (bloody unrepresentative swill). Union bosses and ‘machine men’ can make a tremendous contribution to public life. Shorten and Combet are excellent examples; but it is well past time to make wholesale change to the voting system which gives union delegates many advantages over branch delegates at conferences, and the way preselections are conducted.

Yesterday, Anthony Albanese, choking back tears, set out his reasons for supporting Rudd, while paying the Prime Minister the respect her office is due. His emotion stems from the great damage he knows this spectacle has done to the party’s survival and the very real danger that the ALP will be consigned to the Opposition benches for a very long time, perhaps annihilated, electorally in a fashion similar to NSW in 2011. He reminded me that if this happens, a generation, maybe more, of Labor talent will be discarded. The party needs the Shortens, the Combets, the Clares, the Wongs, the Bowens, the Husics, yes, it needs Albo, to survive this internecine war not only for what they can contribute, now and in the decades to come, but to inspire others to actively engage. It saddens me to think of the reprisals and recriminations which will inevitably flow from this sorry mess. I thought I had seen it all in NSW, but this is the most publicly vitriolic political fight I’ve known. The things that have been said cannot be taken back. This is now the ‘Canberra disease’. The policy-free zone led by Tony Abbott can remain just that if the seething and spite continues within the ALP, for they will serve up Government to an undeserving bunch of no marks, and pour the wine for them to enjoy as they pick over the carcass.

Tell us something we don’t already know

Anyone who has ever read anything on here or follows me on Twitter knows I was an ALP apparatchik. I worked as a media adviser to five Ministers and a Premier of NSW. For the better part of the last decade, I had a peanut gallery view of what is now known as, ‘the NSW disease’.

Following the #NSWisconsin disgrace, I was considering becoming a financial member of the ALP again, despite the fact that I can’t abide what I see as policy missteps and the inability to articulate a message – any message – consistently, thoughtfully and while keeping our hands still.

I was very close to giving Sussex Street my money again because at last, here was an enemy without. Premier Barry O’Farrell had given me a reason to say, ‘this is wrong, and I am willing to swallow every bit of bile and help pay, through my membership dues, for a sustained campaign against this law.’ I was so close until I read this. It’s easy to demonise Joe Tripodi. I can’t stand him for two reasons: he’s really smart, but didn’t use his brains to make good public policy. Instead, he dragged behind former Minister and MLC, Eddie Obeid, preferring to cultivate patronage and influence, all for the title of ‘kingmaker’. Secondly, I’ve seen him smile and stab people in the back. Most of them, his close ‘mates’, some, ‘enemies’ he helped ascend to the dizzying heights of Governor Macquarie Tower. So when I read that he would stay on the rules committee, my heart sank and I left my money in the bank, because it reminded me how much I hate the generally unelected, largely unaccountable ‘factional’ players who make it their mission in life to build up and then tear down elected leaders; fill Caucus with people you would not ask to make a bed, let alone Cabinet; a recipe which reads, ‘hey voters, we’re the ALP and we are not fit to govern the state / country’. The list is long. It is filled with names that, unless they are from NSW, I’m largely familiar with. What I am familiar with, is their modus operandi. I’m sure I could swap Joe de Bruyn and Don Farrell for Russ Collison and Mark Arbib and come out with the same answer.

I read the entirety of Senator John Faulkner’s Wran Lecture last night with great interest. The patrician Faulkner looks like the anti-Tripodi. Furiously intelligent (never go to a Faulkner trivia night and challenge an answer); ‘prime ministerial confidante’; ‘respected elder’; statesman. Last night, I read the speech and called him ‘a giant’. I highly recommend his 2005 Henry Parkes Oration, which takes a much broader swipe at the malaise affecting Australian politics. The faintest whiff that the ALP is about to set its hair on fire is enough to make the news. When John Faulkner launches a stinging rebuke / critique / attack, it sets the news agenda for the day. Pretty much everyone loves it because it fits the narrative that the Prime Minister is the Socialist Left’s Lucrezia Borgia and the shoguns (tired of warlords) all look like Paul Howes. Actually, Paul Howes doesn’t look much like Paul Howes these days. I digress: I agree with a great deal of what Senator Faulkner says: the party desperately needs reform; there should be debate at state and national conferences; branch membership requires revitalisation and those who are joining – especially through Young Labor – are doing so because they want to duel with ideas, not numbers; to serve the Party, not some jumped up bag of wind parading as a false liege.

That said I am going to call Senator Faulkner on a few points. By your own admission, you, Senator, are a bloody hypocrite. You have been a NSW Senator for 23 years. What did you do before the Party – not the people – sent you down the Hume Highway for so long? You were Assistant General Secretary of the NSW Branch of the Australian Labor Party and worked for NSW Minister for Sport and Recreation, Ken Booth MP, following two years spent as a special education teacher. Your official bio is a little light on the detail provided in your Wikipedia entry, Senator, you define factional warlord and apparatchik as much as Joe Tripodi does. Tripodi worked as an economist at the Reserve Bank of Australia for as long as you taught. He then went to the Labor Council and into the Bear Pit. You both entered the party as teenagers; you both went through the party machine before entering Parliament. One difference: Joe was elected by the people of Fairfield. Your name was put on a ticket and sent to the printers. As I said, I can’t stand Joe, but don’t hover somewhere above the fray like a bespectacled Moses when you have supped from the same cup and exerted more influence over a longer time.

Lead, don’t follow, public opinion, you say? Yet the longevity of Australian political leaders such as Bob Hawke and John Howard is in large part due to their uncanny ability to read the mood of the electorate. It is a rare talent that radiates, ‘the leader knows what they are doing and it is what I want’, both within the party and outside it. It is not something they dialled-a-mate for. In my opinion, the perception that Howard had outstayed his welcome – that he had lost ‘touch’ – played a big role in his defeat. Hawke? Well, Keating simply had what Costello did not: the internal fortitude to want the leadership so badly he risked wrecking it to obtain it. Listen to members, supporters and MPs, you say? Yet when Kevin Rudd ran government through a kitchen cabinet of four; when he established innumerate committees, endlessly consulted and produced white papers and nothing happened; that was when the polls went to the wall and the faceless men got on the phones. There was plenty of listening, plenty of dithering and nothing happening. You were in that Caucus meeting, where the elected leader of the nation was replaced without a vote of MPs, you miserable, gormless bunch. @KRuddPM knew he didn’t have the numbers, addressed the Caucus one final time as leader, and emerged @KRuddMP.

Let MPs speak their minds in the name of diversity. Fine. I don’t think there are many people in the party who would be terribly pleased with the clusterfuck that is the Government’s … what … it’s not even a policy … the clusterfuck that is the Government’s latest idea about how asylum seekers should be processed, and yet, with the exception of Fremantle MP Melissa Parke, none has stated their dissent. But here’s the thing: brave, dissenting Melissa had not even spoken to the Minister for Immigration when she went public. It beggars belief. Let MPs say what they want? Amen. Get them five minutes with the Minister at the same time so they can have a chat first. On second thought, if you can’t be bothered having the discussion internally, if you have not grabbed Chris Bowen after a division and said, ‘look, I’m not happy about this, I need to speak to you’; if you have not had the gumption to even attempt to piss inside the tent, why should I listen to you piss on it from outside?

Senator Faulkner wants vigorous debate at party conferences and in the branches. He also advocates a say for ‘progressive-minded’ people, who are falling into the arms of third party organisations. Who are they? The ALP is not Get Up. It’s a political party. You can’t just put your name to one online petition, or even draft one, and ignore the other 30 issues of the day because you don’t care about them as much. Well, you can – you’re a citizen and you can do that if you like. But have to give a damn about stuff you’re not interested in when you’re a member of a party. Did I care when I door-knocked suburbs during the 2007 NSW election that the issues raised by voters were almost always council-related? No. Because the candidate needed to know about the cracked pavement, so that when they were elected they could pressure council to get it fixed, and if they didn’t, you could talk to concerned residents, go to the local paper – do something! I am sure people would flock to ALP branches, line-up to get the best seats at conference and participate in full-throated, exciting debates. About the things they’re interested in. Then when it’s time to talk about the not so interesting to them stuff – see you later? Supporters of the ALP? We exist. We’re called voters. Here’s what I want. I want a Caucus where backbenchers get as much time with Ministers and the PM as independents do. If they can’t get a hearing, or are fobbed off by the apparatchiks, then have an almighty spray. After all, the government is only one heart attack away from an election – now is the best time to speak your mind. Senator Faulkner just has – again,

Senator, you are there. You are a powerful figure – so powerful your speech has dominated the news agenda today. You’ve been talking about reforming the party for years. We have review, after review, after review. You co-authored the last one, so act! Stop telling us something we don’t already know.